Trips to China build family in Manalapan

BY LINDA DeNICOLA
Staff Writer

Pamela and Rich Stockwell moved to Manalapan from South Carolina just over three years ago. At the time, the Stockwells were a family of three with a daughter they had adopted in China. Now, with the adoption of two more Chinese babies, the family has grown to include two 5-year-olds and one 14-month-old.

Kyra, 14 months, became a member of the Stockwell family on Nov. 7 when Pam and her father went to China to bring her home. According to Pam, Rich could not go this time because someone had to stay home with the couple’s other two children, Connor and Kiana.

Rich, 43, works for MSNBC as a news producer, and Pamela, 42, is a stay-at-home mom who is enjoying every moment of her busy life.

“They have brought us so much joy. Everywhere we go, people come up to us and say that the children are so lucky, but I tell them that we are the lucky ones. We are so blessed. They are the most wonderful kids,” Pamela said.

Although she is happy with her three children, she does not think there will be a fourth.

“I think, I’m done,” Pamela said, explaining that the adoptions cost between $15,000 and $18,000, and the trips to China are exhausting. “Adoption from countries other than China does not require a trip there, but I didn’t mind traveling to China. I wanted to see the country that my children came from.”

In fact, when the Stockwells adopted their second child, Connor, they took Kiana with them.

“The trip is very hard. First we go to the child’s province where you have a guide who stays with you. They set up dinner and sightseeing tours, while you wait for paperwork to come back. Then all the families have to go to southern China where the baby’s visa is processed,” she explained.

Pamela said that while she was in China she bought birthday gifts for each child.

“I bought one gift for each birthday until they turn 18. I have them set aside and they get one every year,” the children’s mom said.

She explained that she does not have any background information on the children.

“[China is] trying to discourage overpopulation and it’s illegal to give your child up for adoption. The children are abandoned and because of that we have no information whatsoever,” Pamela said.

Although she does not have any background information about her children, the agency through which the adoptions were made asked for a lot of information about the family.

“We were matched with Kiana and right from the beginning, even before I could affect her, she was just like me. After a while it was understandable, but right off the bat she was like me,” Pamela said.

Since they chose Connor from a picture, and were not matched, it was very surprising that he turned out to be so much like her husband, she said.

“He’s a bit of an imp, but a good-natured, good-hearted boy,” she said.

She added that contrary to what people may have heard, it is possible to adopt a boy from China.

“There are a lot of reasons why children are abandoned. In Asian culture it’s still very much frowned on to be a single mother,” Pamela said.

Kiana was 1 when the Stockwells adopted her from Jiangxi province in central China. Two years later they adopted Connor, who was almost 3. The siblings are only 19 days apart.

Both children are in kindergarten, in the same school, but in different classes. Their mother said they get along very well and play together.

“Kiana is a healthy child and learned English very quickly. She is really excelling in writing and English,” her mother said.

On the other hand, Connor, who is from Jiangsu province, not too far from Jiangxi province, has special needs. Pamela explained that she and her husband wanted a healthy boy, but were told the adoption would take 14 months. While on the Internet, Pamela saw a picture of a little boy that touched her heart.

“He looked so scared and he had a hearing impairment ... I kept going back and looking at the picture,” she said.

The Stockwells were told that the child was deaf, but later found out that Connor is not deaf and that his disability is not nearly as bad as they initially believed.

“He has a congenital defect — no ear canals,” she explained. “But he has a hearing aid now and can be operated on when he is about 6.”

She added that although he could not speak then, he is a bright, happy, mainstreamed boy now. She credits Connor’s progress to the staff at the Clark Mills School.

“He never spoke Chinese because of his hearing, but he gets a lot of therapy. His speech developed very differently from a baby; the gaps in his vocabulary are quite interesting,” she said.

Kyra, the baby from Sichuan province in western China, is doing very well.

“She’s active and happy. In fact, she’s doing much better than I thought she would,” her mother said. “Kiana was easy, Connor was difficult, but Kyra has been very easy. She bonded with me right away. Her development reports said she was mischievous. They were right.”

All of the children were adopted through the Chinese Children Adoption International.

“I found them on the Internet and I liked their Web site,” Pamela said.

In order to teach the children about their birth culture, she joined Families for Chinese Children, which has an Ocean-Monmouth chapter.

“We meet monthly and the kids get to see families that look like them. We just had breakfast with Santa. I know that doesn’t sound very Chinese, but we had Chinese gifts. It was also a fund-raiser. We also celebrate things like the Chinese moon festival. Studies have shown that children who are adopted internationally do better if they know about their culture,” Pamela said, adding that learning about the Chinese culture has added a new dimension to her life.

“It’s an added bonus. All I wanted was to be a mom,” she said.