You are what you drive
AMY ROSEN Around Town
      Anyone who has ever had a minivan knows that it does not exactly rank as the coolest of vehicles. I mean you're not going to get "oohs" and "aahs" and people staring at your car as you drive down the road. People aren't going to pull up next to you and rev their engine at a traffic light to challenge you to a race.
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Drop the wine cooler, Grandma, or go to jail
GREG BEAN Coda
      In the end, it looks like stupidity won over common sense at the PNC Bank Arts Center in Holmdel. Since July, almost 500 of the dumbest people on the East Coast have managed to get themselves arrested for underage drinking and various other liquor-related offenses at the venue, and dozens have been treated at local hospitals for illnesses caused by excessive boozing.
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What women want isn't that hard to figure out
CLARE MARIE CELANO Girl Talk
      If Sigmund Freud had taken a little more time and gently asked women what they really wanted, rather than probing and plumbing their psyches, he quite possibly could have changed the course of history. What do women want? At least in an intimate relationship?
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Facing the nightmares of going back to school
LORI CLINCH Are We There Yet?
      Iknow a gal whose little dears happen to love school. Armed with compasses, rulers and a brand-new set of colored pencils, her children are known to count down the last days of summer vacation with pure bliss. It's enough to make a gal like me choke on her big pink eraser.
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Shameless shills
      Don't be fooled by the recent spate of announcements and press releases by socalled professionals that tout the importance of the Oyster Creek Nuclear Generating Station in Lacey Township. What might appear to be genuine, scientific endorsements for the relicensing of the oldest nuclear plant in the United States are anything but.
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